Mission Statement

Here at Catholic Church Inc., we are dedicated to the conversion of new souls to the Christian faith. We offer many exciting products to assist the faithful in relieving the burden of the fear of damnation for oneself and loved ones. Our corporation is committed to a holy hierarchy that allows sinners the opportunity to enter into a relationship with those representing God on this earth. By preaching the Gospel, providing access to holy relics, and interceding in prayer on behalf of paying clients, Catholic Church Inc. has the only system on the market to guarantee your acceptance into everlasting salvation. For a nominal fee, you and your loved ones can experience the peace of mind that comes from a secured salvation.

Mourning a Saint

Burgandy continues to mourn the loss of the noble Saint Ciappelletto. His devout life and untimely death have inspired the clergy and civilians to re-examine their lives in honor of this most holy man, whose worst sin was cursing his mother as a small child. The friar who recieved his last confession "expressed hope that through [Ciappelletto] the Lord God would work many miracles" (Boccaccio 1.1). The funeral was a very emotional affair, the people "thronged round the body to kiss his feet and his hands, all the clothes were torn from his back, and those who succeeded in grabbing so much as a tiny fragment felt they were in Paradise itself" (Boccaccio 1.1). His fame has become so widespread that practically everyone continues to pray to this most worthy man, who is credited with many recent miracles in the vicinity of his death.
Rest in Peace, Saint Ciappelletto!


(Boccaccio 1.2)
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