Mission Statement

Here at Catholic Church Inc., we are dedicated to the conversion of new souls to the Christian faith. We offer many exciting products to assist the faithful in relieving the burden of the fear of damnation for oneself and loved ones. Our corporation is committed to a holy hierarchy that allows sinners the opportunity to enter into a relationship with those representing God on this earth. By preaching the Gospel, providing access to holy relics, and interceding in prayer on behalf of paying clients, Catholic Church Inc. has the only system on the market to guarantee your acceptance into everlasting salvation. For a nominal fee, you and your loved ones can experience the peace of mind that comes from a secured salvation.

Conversion after Pilgrimage

A Jew recently converted to Christianity after taking a pilgrimage from Paris to Rome. This enlightening experience, attributed to the carriage and character of the clergy and members of the papal court, has resulted in the baptism of the Jew, formerly known as Abraham, and now re-christened John. We must be doing something right!

(Boccaccio 1.1)