Mission Statement

Here at Catholic Church Inc., we are dedicated to the conversion of new souls to the Christian faith. We offer many exciting products to assist the faithful in relieving the burden of the fear of damnation for oneself and loved ones. Our corporation is committed to a holy hierarchy that allows sinners the opportunity to enter into a relationship with those representing God on this earth. By preaching the Gospel, providing access to holy relics, and interceding in prayer on behalf of paying clients, Catholic Church Inc. has the only system on the market to guarantee your acceptance into everlasting salvation. For a nominal fee, you and your loved ones can experience the peace of mind that comes from a secured salvation.

Featured Destination: Lombardy

A convent in Lombardy was recognized this week for its sanctity and religious fervour. The Abbess, a pillar of chastity and religious zeal, cites a sense of equality and community in the convent's success. Visits to the church there have increased astronomically since a recent reappraisal and the implementation of certain policies at the convent. Abbess describes the new policies as "truly liberating; these policies have enabled the sisters to pursue their goals much more openly and effectively. There are no special privileges here, no unequal treatment." Truly, the pious young ladies at this particular convent seem to have a certain glow, many of them flushed and rosy cheeked in their incredible passion for the Lord's work. A regular visitor to the holy convent extols the virtues and selflessness of one nun, saying "Sister Isabetta has been extremely dedicated to helping me reach fulfillment." The cheerfully helpful attitude of these young nuns has made the place a popular attraction for men from miles around. Consider visiting the convent and see if the devout sisters can change your religion!


(Boccaccio 9.2)